Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Caaaaalllll it! - The Beacon Drive-In

Note to self, do not attempt to start a blog and plan a wedding at the same time.  The blog will not win.  This post marks what I hope to be the beginning of a more frequent blogging schedule.  However, the fact that it took all of one post to arrive at this roadblock does not bode well.  Undeterred, I shall press onward, as I have been traveling a lot in the past few weeks and have no shortage of material to work with.

This week's post spotlights the institution that is the Beacon Drive-In.  A few weeks ago a coworker and I were planning a trip to the Spartanburg, SC area to visit a fabrication shop.  The day before we left, the following email exchange occurred in the span of about 4 minutes:

Coworker: We'll meet them at 11, talk for a while, tour the facility, and then get lunch.  Sound good?
Me: Yes, that's great.  We're going to the Beacon afterward, right?
Coworker: That's a big 10-4.

Just in case you weren't sure, there's a giant arrow
He knew just as well as I did that if you're anywhere in the Spartanburg area, you go to the Beacon.  The legendary drive-in is best know for two things; it's famous sweet tea and the man who takes your order, JC Strobel.  Very sadly, JC recently passed away from injuries sustained in a fall at his home.  In his honor, a life size cutout of the legend now greets you at the front door.
JC Forever!
I first had the pleasure of the JC experience back in 2002, when a group of us made the trip from Clemson.  The ordering process at the Beacon is a sight to behold.  After watching this video, you'll ask yourself how anything comes out correct.  Amazingly, it all somehow works.  I'm happy to report that what must be some sort of relative of JC's has taken up the mantle.
It's basically like the end of Dark Knight Rises when the kid from 3rd Rock From The Sun becomes the next Batman.
There is a lot of pressure when ordering at the Beacon.  The place gets very busy during the lunch rush and if you don't spit out your order soon after being prompted by the, "call it!" you will be sent to the back of the line to figure out what you want.
Study this well or face the consequences
As you can see, the menu is quite extensive.  My recommendation is to stick to the top left-hand side of the board where the various hamburger options can be found.  The cheeseburger or chili cheeseburger are definitely the way to go.  Whichever incarnation you choose, you simply must get your sandwich served "a plenty," which means it will be smothered in a couple hand fulls of french fries and onion rings.  When you receive your (amazingly correct) plate, good luck finding your sandwich under the mountain of fried delicacies.
There's a burger in there somewhere
Slide down the line and pick up your sweet tea before ringing up at the register.  They now also offer something called "Diet Tea," but please just resist the urge to put anything healthy in your body during this meal.  You've already come this far.  Note that unsweet tea is not even an option here for a good reason.

I didn't have a scale with me, but the tray is legitimately heavy with any of the "a plenty" plates.  In my two trips dining with about 10 different people, I've only seen one person finish the entire thing.  It was both impressive and terrifying at the same time.  I'd like to think I did pretty well for an average sized human being.
It was a bloodbath
On top of the ridiculous quantity, the food is really quite good.  The burgers are as old school as you can get and come with LTM.  After talking him into it, my coworker attempted the double chili cheese a plenty.  The double is so ridiculous it eschews the standard condiments in favor of two servings of chili and an extra slice of bread to space out the two patties.  He didn't stand a chance.

If possible, I would schedule a nap immediately after a Beacon experience.  Sadly, a three-hour car ride back to Charleston awaited us on this occasion.  Pack a few Tums, and make sure you hit up the Beacon Drive-In the next time you visit the SC Upstate.  I will definitely be back, and hope not to make it 10 years between visits next time.